What time does the bus leave, the one to Nairn?
Please tell me now, mister, it’s sometime after ten.
What time does the bus leave, how long do we have left?
Just tell us now mister, oh, I’ll tell you, I’ll tell you, only if you’re good.

There’s Kenny the preacher, holding his placard high,
God loves you & everyone, there is no such thing as I.
There’s Kenny the preacher, nodding & quoting the psalms,
Given half a chance he will, he’ll convert you, he’ll convert you, given half a chance.

Oh I’ll sing to ye, better cling to me, heartbroken, I’ll leave you heartbroken.
I’ll take a drink for ye, then I’ll gift to ye, words spoken, words spoken

They’re all bastards here mate, each and every one.
I’ve not seen a good man, not even my own son.
They’re all bastards here mate, I’d move on somewhere else,
Somewhere more forgiving, there’s my advice, my best advice, only for today.

See the women in black, united in their cause,
Holding a silent protest against the Afghan wars.
See the women in black, I don’t think they like me much,
They won’t listen to me, I don’t care really, I don’t care really and I don’t care much for them.

Well, I told you so, yes I told you so, police siren, here’s the police siren.
I’ll be on my way, that’s me for today, same time, next week at the same time.

Now just one more thing son, that bus for Nairn,
Tell the ladies I have the answer & I’ll gladly give it to them.
Tell them I am a character, with plenty money to spend,
A font of all wisdom, here’s a pound for your trouble, a pound for your trouble,
You sing very well.